As long as I can remember...

Growing up I always wanted to be a Mom. I remember telling my mom I wanted to have a million kids when I grew up. I won't even tell you who I wanted to marry. That would make things awkward and you may judge me. ;o) I've always wanted a house full of children. Somewhere between more than 1 and a lot less than a million- max 5. My maternal grandmother had 3 kids, but 5 pregnancies. My paternal grandmother had 8 kids. Maybe it's genetic?

After Kendall was born I knew I wanted more children. I was an only child and I hoped Kendall would have someone to share her childhood with when she grew up. Someone who could relate to crazy relatives or the best christmas ever.

We started trying for another when Kendall was two. She will be five in July. It's been three years. Some of those years I spent angry or guilty because I already had an amazing little girl to call my own. Was I being selfish? Crying every month that I didn't see a plus sign. Watching my dreams of "more" slip away. The disappointment that ensued. You get the picture.

Well meaning friends would smile and say, "Okay! It's your turn!" or "When are you guys going to have another one?" or "Time for you guys to catch up!" I hear it all the time. It cuts deep- if even for just a moment. My standard response is  "We're good with one." Not wanting to elaborate about our struggles.

One day during my prayer time and discussion with God He spoke to my heart so clearly. He made me a mother which was what I was really asking for again. Then to trust him with my family's future to put it in his hands. He already knows how it all ends. It gave me such a peace. Now, I'm not saying that I won't continue to pray about it. I think God is big enough and wants me to talk to Him about the desires of my heart. What I won't be doing is praying with the same attitude I was praying with before.

Last week Kendall asked God for a brother (without any prodding). She went around telling select people she was getting a brother which made people think I was pregnant. I'm not. It made me think of this verse though, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24  She keeps praying earnestly and I love listening to her prayers.

Thank you Lord for all my blessings! 

Especially for my family!

In His Amazing Love, 

Jennis